Okay so this is going to be a little bit of a rant. Over the past year I have made huge steps in changing my mind frame into a mostly logical way of thinking; this means I now see the world away from any influence of religion or spirituality. It's still a sadly hard subject to fully open about as I am a people pleaser and I tend to really care what people think of me. I also have my own personal struggles with my self confidence and image so it can be really difficult to express how I feel (even when it's not meant as something malicious) without the worry of being met with anger or indifference. Let me start with a little back story of how it all started.
When I was 7 years old my mom and I started going to church on a regular basis. We went to the United church so it was a very open minded place and only preached to follow Jesus's example of loving everyone and being kind. Hell was never mentioned, women were respected, questioning the bible was encouraged, and they are even supporters of LGBT marriages. I was brought up to believe that this is what religion was supposed to be, kind and friendly with an open mind to other people and their beliefs. I even volunteered myself to be baptised and later when I was 14 I was confirmed into the church meaning I became recognised as an adult member of the congregation. God and Jesus were my home boys but I never tried to convert people or think of myself as better than people because I had faith. When I was Christian I almost didn't even think about it, it was such a normal part of life. I thought my way of interpreting the religion was the logical way of looking at it, just be nice to each other. When I looked at other sectors of religion I thought those people were crazy and extreme, they had too many rules and far to many expectations to "earn God's love" where in my mind as long as you existed you deserved that love.
So with such a good upbringing with Christianity how did I turn out to be an Atheist? It was a very very very long process. It started when I began to question the bible, and I mean everything about the bible. Who actually wrote this? If the old and new testaments are so different why do we bother looking at both? How do we know this was interpreted correctly? Then I began to just question religion as a whole, I looked into other religious beliefs. I thought that if I can look at the Greek Gods and Goddesses and accept that they never existed what's to say that my God ever did? What made him so special that we was actually real? Because people believed in him hard enough? I'm sure the ancient Greeks also felt the same about Zeus. They are now known as Greek Mythology, one day Christian Mythology might be a thing too. I looked into wicca, Buddhism (although I have since learned it's not really a religion of sorts so it's confusing), Islam, Judaism, you name it and I've probably read up on it at least a little (no expert by any means). So I suddenly went from having all the answers to only having questions, I just told myself that it was okay not to know what to believe in and just accept it that no one could know for sure.
I left it like this for a while, just in limbo of not knowing what to question or what I could answer. Eventually I began talking with Atheists who had made a similar transition. I cannot tell you how wonderful it felt to just accept that logic and science are the only hard breaking truths I could ever believe in. It was finally okay to admit that I was wrong and that I didn't know the answers to everything, but at the same time continue to be curious and see the world for the beauty and the marvel it is. I will admit though that it was also a grieving process, most of my life was spent with that little voice in the back of my head saying things like "God will make the right path for you." "everything happens for a reason" "you will see your loved ones that have passed away again". Suddenly logic had to take over and still to this day I get those thoughts and have to remind myself what the logic behind it could be. Like I said, slow process but one that is really worth while.
How I see religion now is as a waste of time and in many cases a set back. My parents consider themselves to be spiritual and I will explain how that differs a bit from being religious. Spirituality is a personal belief system that can mean many different things to different people, but the point there is that it's personal. They see it as something that helps them personally through tough times in life or just as a way to feel more satisfied. They are not trying to push their beliefs on people, and in my opinion they are not harming people. Religious people are people who follow strict rules as to how you are to act and live your life. These are the type people who cherry pick from the bible to make the bible work for them. Creationist are the perfect example of religious people who become closed minded and therefore stunt their education. This is what gets to me the most, the lack of education with people in these mindsets is what is the most damaging. If religion didn't exist I am so confident we would be even more advanced as a human race in general. We wouldn't have needed to fight for women rights or LGBT rights, they would just be normal. A book that no one fully understands and was written thousands of years ago has shaped our world and continues to do damage to those who do not meet its standards.
Just to be clear, I do not hate religious people, I don't blame them for being swept up in something that promises them their dreams and tells them they are "special". I just hate religion for even existing. When I first became an Atheist I was really angry that people were dumb enough to buy into it all, but I had to remind myself that I was one of those people. Not to the extreme extent but I was there to some point of degree. There are still people out there who I would call idiots sure, but I still blame religion for getting them there in the first place. Also in my experience I have met more genuinely nice people who had no religious background compared to the countless judgemental bigots that I met through religion.
Today I am a proud Atheist who thanks my parents, fiance, friends , and herself for where she is in life and the happiness it brings. I no longer dream about what it will be like going to heaven one day but I focus and enjoy everyday I have alive as best I can because I know now once it's over it's over. My morals have stayed the same without needing encouragement of doing something nice because that's what "God" wants me to do.
I am finally free to live my life with a fully open mind and see the world around me for what it truly is, scientifically beautiful with a bunch of brainwashed individuals with too much power. Perhaps one day that last part will change, and it will be glorious. Until then I am happy to be in this time of awakening around the world as the number of Atheists are continuing to grow.
Praise be to logic!
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